


Catching up with the Past

by FlameQuill



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-24 00:34:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13799637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlameQuill/pseuds/FlameQuill





	Catching up with the Past

Remus felt his knees shaking when he opened the door to Number twelve, Grimmauld Place. He had been here a few times since the Order had been reformed, but there had always been other people around. Earlier today, though, he had received an owl.

_Moony,_  
_meet me today. Alone. 5 o'clock._  
_Please._  
_Padfoot._

Remus closed his eyes for a moment, then pushed open the door and entered. Silently he walked along the hallway, and, as he could see no sign of Sirius, walked down the stairs to the kitchen.  
Carefully, he stepped towards the door frame, leant against it and looked into the room.  
Kneeling in front of the kitchen fire and staring at the flames, there he was, finally. At this moment, Sirius stood up and turned around, a small, unconfident smile curling on his lips, as he saw Remus. "You came," he breathed.  
The other man returned the smile, though he was still feeling nervous. They hadn't been alone for more than fifteen years. "Of course I came."  
"I … I wasn't sure you would." The black-haired blushed a little, then gestured towards the table near the kitchen fire. "Let's sit down."  
Remus nodded and the two of them sat down opposite to each other. Still, the atmosphere had some kind of awkwardness and tensity.  
"I'm sorry, we couldn't meet earlier. But the whole last year … well, you know. And it's always full of people in here," Sirius said, looking down at his restless fingers.  
Remus nodded again. He didn't know what to say.  
Padfoot now looked up, and his friend winced slightly when he saw that his eyes clearly showed pain worth for all of the past years. "I'm so sorry about everything, Remus. You know I suspected you back then. I didn't trust you. And that's the biggest mistake I could have ever made."  
"I suspected you, too. I … I couldn't really believe it, but … I just couldn't see Peter being the betrayer, and we knew it must have been one of us," Remus said quietly, "and I … hated you for these twelve years, I couldn't believe why you did this to us … to me. I … should have visited you at Azkaban, you could have explained."  
"Do you think you would have been able to believe me? Or had the strength to visit me at all?" Sirius asked, his voice quiet, too.  
"I … probably not," Remus sighed. "I was so angry, and it hurt so much, I … "  
"I'm so sorry, Moony," the black-haired cut him off, "I'm so sorry that you had to feel this pain and hatred … that I couldn't contact you before they put me in jail. It should have been the first thing to do, before chasing after Peter. I would have owed it to you, I …"  
The other smiled sadly, looking at his friend. "You owed me nothing. Really. You were there for me, all these years, a good friend … and an even better lover. And I thanked it with dissociating myself from you, because I feared to know the truth. Only the truth wasn't what I expected. I'm the one to be sorry, Sirius, not you."  
A tear shone in Sirus' eye. "I … I don't know what to say."  
"There's nothing you have to say." Remus reached out his hands to the other's, grasping them with his own. Then he leant over the table towards him, raising one hand to lay it onto Sirius' cheek. Softly, tenderly and very carefully, he kissed him. It felt like their first kiss, unconfident and so careful, but Remus immediately felt the old feelings rising, as if they had never vanished, never been replaced by hatred and anger.  
When they broke apart after a few moments, Sirius smiled, happily now, but the tear still glistened in his eye's corner. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you where I've been the past year. But I … was afraid that the owl might be intercepted or … someone might follow you or something. And I … " He bit his lower lip, like he always used to when he was nervous. "I was afraid you didn't want me anymore."  
"Sirius, I may have hated you … for something you didn't do, but I think … I never stopped loving you. Not for one second, not a single moment." Remus squeezed the hand he was still holding.  
The tear finally made its way down Sirius' cheek, leaving behind a wet trace on the skin, but before it could reach his mouth, the werewolf leant towards him again, kissing the tear away softly. He then whispered into the other's ear, "I love you, Sirius," and kissed him on the lips again, but much more confidently now. They could both taste the salty tear on his lips.  
"I love you, too," the black-haired said softly, "and I promise that I'll never leave you, or let you leave me for some stupid reason. I'll never let you down."  
"I wouldn't ever let you go, now that I have you back," Remus smiled and stroked his arm gently.  
"Nor would I." This time it was Sirius who leant towards the other, his hand finding its way through his hair to the back of his neck, and they kissed again, as passionately as the distance between them allowed.  
When they looked at each other again, both of them were slightly out of breath, but smiling happily.  
After a few moments of silence, Sirius asked a bit shyly, "Do you want to see my room?"  
Remus had to laugh quietly about this rather teenager-like question, but then, his friend had never been able to ask this question as a teenager. "I'd love to," he answered grinning. They both stood up, not letting go of each other's hand, and made their way out of the kitchen and up the stairs.  
"What were you laughing at?" The black-haired asked, looking at the other curiously..  
"Well … you seemed like the sweet fifteen-year-old back in our fourth year, who didn't dare to ask me out." Remus grinned again and Sirius' ears went slightly red.  
"I just couldn't believe that you felt the same way." He smiled a bit embarrassed.  
"I know."  
They continued walking in content silence, and then they finally reached Sirius' room. As he opened the door, Remus couldn't help but laugh again. "You didn't put too much effort into soothing your parents, did you?" The whole room was plastered either in red and gold, the Gryffindor colours, or with posters of half-naked women and Muggle motorcycles.  
"Well, they considered it betrayal that I was put into Gryffindor in the first place …" Sirius grinned. "But I wasn't the good little son they had wished for, not even before Hogwarts."  
"I can believe that." Remus grinned, too, and then pointed towards the posters of the unmoving Muggle women. "But honestly, women, Sirius?"  
"I don't think posters of guys would have annoyed them as much. This is more obscene, see," the black-haired shrugged.  
"Yeah, I think it is." Remus smiled and shook his head at the image of the little, rebellious Sirius. He moved closer towards the bed and looked at the little picture that hung on the wall above its front end. It showed himself, Sirius, James, and, he realized with a pang in his stomach, Peter. He felt Sirius squeeze his hand as he saw the frown on his forehead.  
"Harry really looks exactly like him. Except his eyes," Remus said quietly, before looking at Sirius again.  
"Yeah." The other one smiled slightly, then let go of his hand and opened a drawer, rummaged through its contents for a moment and then pulled out two pieces of parchment, which seemed to be a letter, and a picture. He handed them to Remus. "This is the last real letter I ever got from Lily."  
The brown-haired read the letter, smiling as he reached the part of Harry smashing Petunias vase with his toy broomstick, and looked up when he finished. "I still miss them, both of them. Lily was a great person to talk to."  
"So do I." Sirius sighed.  
Without another word, Remus handed the letter and the picture back to his friend, who put them into the drawer and closed it. Then he turned around again and pulled his friend into his arms, looking into his eyes deeply. "And I missed you." They drew closer and kissed, hungrily, more fiercely, as if they wanted to put the longing from fifteen years into this one kiss, unable to contain themselves any longer.  
Remus felt the well-known warmth spreading in his stomach, as vividly and blazing as it had been when they had kissed for the first time twenty years ago. His fingers slowly crept under the black shirt Sirius wore, touching the warm, soft skin on his back gently. He felt his friend's hands on his hips, pulling him ever closer to his body.  
The werewolf let wander his hands up the other's back, steadily pulling up the shirt and he tugged it over his head, when they finally emerged from the kiss. Carelessly, he let it fall to the floor and took a step backwards so that he could take a closer look at Sirius. He stroked his breast with his fingertips very softly, drawing along the clearly visible ribs.  
"You really are too thin, dear," he whispered, placing a kiss onto his friend's forehead. He had to stand on tiptoes to do so.  
Sirius slowly buttoned down Remus' grey shirt, and let it slid down his shoulders. He then pulled him back into a hug and breathed into his ear, "Don't worry, Molly will feed me up."  
By the movement against his stomach, Remus could tell that he had said this with a slight laugh. "I'm sure she will," he smiled.  
Without another word, Sirius took him by the hand, leading him to the bed. They lay down close to each other. Remus laid his head into the curve of the other's neck, where it had always fit perfectly. Their legs entwined tenderly, and lying like this, they talked, kept silent, touched, and occasionally rose a bit to kiss.

When Remus woke up the next morning, dim light was creeping into the room. He was still lying in Sirius' arms, who was fast asleep. Smiling, he freed himself and got up knowing that he had to leave before anyone from the Order showed up. He was sure that Sirius still wasn't up to reveal their relationship, and he didn't want to force a fight. Not now. And probably he wouldn't have the strength to do it in the near future. He was too glad to have Sirius back, even if it were only a few hours, a few nights a month. It had never been better than this. At least they had the nights now.  
Remus sighed and put his clothes back on, then he knelt down next to the bed, tracing Sirius' face with his hand. The latter's eyelids fluttered as he slowly woke up.  
"Sirius, I have to go. Let me know when we can meet again," Remus whispered and softly kissed him on the lips.  
The black-haired man nodded sleepily. "I love you, Remus," he said with a hoarse voice from sleeping.  
The werewolf smiled and placed another kiss onto his forehead. "I love you, too."  
He then stood up and silently left the room, not without a glance back at Sirius, who had already fallen back asleep.  
He walked down the stairs, still thinking. Maybe, one day, when Voldemort was vanquished for good, and the world was finally moving in the right tracks again, they could come out. At least to their closest friends.  
He opened the front door and stepped out into the light. When he closed the door behind him, he blinked into the pale morning sun, which must have just risen.

But for now, they only had these stolen hours.


End file.
